Setting boundaries for sharing in a relationship

For Beliefnet, Thomas Moore answers a question about Unsure's boyfriend snooping on her computer. His answer touches on the boundaries of intimacy and the meaning of relationship.

Moore says,

"People intrude on us either because they think they can get away with it or because they assume more intimacy than is warranted."

Then he suggests ways for two people to see themselves together,

"A relationship is made up of two parts: each individual and their life together. If either of these components gets lost, you no longer have a relationship. Some people say a couple is two halves making a whole, but I think it’s two wholes making a loving two. Couples getting married sometimes quote Kahlil Gibran, "And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart." Or Rainer Maria Rilke, "love is not merging; it is the opportunity for the individual to become something himself." I’d recommend reading Rilke’s letter on love in Letters to a Young Poet. There, he offers many insights into this issue of love and privacy.

I believe that love between two people is having a passionate interest in each other, and yet respecting each other’s mystery. We will never know our partners completely, and that’s the way it should be."

Readers respond with their own experiences and advice to the young woman.